The question as to where I have been ‘lo these many months can now finally be answered. I was engaged in what could be considered one of the most important tasks of all time. I, like men across this great world of ours, could not stand idly by and watch Megan Fox, one of the hottest women out there, throw it all away on a guy who didn’t even become a major “90210″ character until two or three seasons in (remember when David Silver palled around with the guy in the Lakers hat who eventually accidentally killed himself after having disappeared for like 10 episodes?).
Anyway, I have dedicated my time and unquestionable skills of subterfuge to work my way into the good graces of one Brian Austin Green (BAG if you’re nasty), all the while planting seeds of doubt in the beautiful head of his fiancée, Megan Fox. Well, dear readers, I am glad to say that my efforts were not fruitless. I gave up a substantial portion of 2008 and all of 2009 to date to set sweet Megan free, and finally, it has worked:
“Megan Fox breaks up with fiancee…” (from the Winnipeg Sun)
I trust the good people of Winnipeg above all others, so I know it is true.
Now I speak for all men when I say, “Thank God! That guy was a total effing douchebag and didn’t deserve you, Megan. However, a man like me—well I know how to make you happy. Seriously, just give me a chance. You’ll see! We’re perfect for each other! Megan, pleeeease!!! Oh, God why can’t I have her!!!!?”
–e. blair
